hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
