dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
