This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I touched a dick in church today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
