Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
