last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
