did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
