i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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