Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
