May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
