On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
