I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
