If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
