I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He felt like a one man threesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
