I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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