Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
