a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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