my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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