3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well you can't waste a boner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
