Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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