my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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