I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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