All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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