Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
