You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
