This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
