Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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