Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
