considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
