Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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