i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize