Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
