i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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