I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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