I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
