What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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