We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
