I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
