Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
