wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm jealous of your bromance
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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