i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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