I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
