Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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