If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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