my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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