Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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