it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
