take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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