question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
