go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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