I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
