I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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