Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
