She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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