Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
