What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
17 year olds will be the death of me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
